Revolutionary moisture-wicking technology meets anatomical precision. Because your most overlooked area deserves premium support.
The Executive Series
Every day, millions suffer in silence. Cyclists. Programmers. Truck drivers. Gamers. The problem? Neglect of the perineal region.
Finally, professional-grade perineal support for the modern workplace.
Our patented DryCore™ fabric channels moisture away from the perineal region, maintaining optimal comfort in any condition.
3D-scanned ergonomic design cradles the perineum with gentle precision. Not too firm. Not too soft. Just right.
Thermal-regulating gel insert maintains optimal 98.6°F perineal climate, even during intense activity.
Silver-ion treatment prevents bacterial growth. Because hygiene shouldn't be an afterthought.
Non-slip grip technology ensures your Taintillow stays exactly where it belongs. No adjustments needed.
Made from 100% recycled ocean plastics. Saving the planet, one perineum at a time.
For the curious beginner
For serious comfort seekers
The pinnacle of perineal luxury
🔥 Due to unprecedented demand, all models are currently on backorder. Join the waitlist below.
Taintillow was developed over 18 months in partnership with leading proctologists, cyclists, and ergonomic specialists at the Institute for Perineal Wellness (IPW).
Our proprietary Perineal Pressure Mapping™ technology ensures optimal weight distribution across the ischial tuberosities while maintaining the all-important perineal clearance.
"I used to dread my 50-mile bike rides. Now? I actually look forward to them. The Royal Taint has been a game-changer."
"As a software developer, I'm sitting 10+ hours a day. The Professional model has eliminated that 'swampy' feeling by 3pm. Incredible."
"I was skeptical. A pillow for... that? But after my first cross-country haul with the Royal Taint, I'm a believer. My dispatcher even commented on my improved mood."
While our materials can withstand high temperatures, we recommend gentle hand washing or machine washing on delicate cycle. The Royal Taint's electronic components should never be submerged.
For hygiene reasons, we strongly recommend one Taintillow per user. However, we offer a 15% discount on orders of 3 or more. Great for team sports!
Our sizing chart accounts for both BMI and perineal depth. Simply measure from your ischial tuberosity to your perineal raphe and consult our guide.
Absolutely. If you're not completely satisfied with your perineal comfort within 30 days, return it for a full refund. No questions asked.
All orders ship in plain brown boxes with a return address of "T.T. Comfort Solutions." Your mail carrier will never know.
The Starter and Professional models are water-resistant but not waterproof. The Royal Taint should never be submerged. We're working on a marine edition for 2025.
Due to overwhelming demand, all models are currently on backorder. Join our waitlist to secure your place in line and receive exclusive updates.
Current wait time: 6-8 weeks
Email subscribers receive priority access when stock returns.